Monkey bit me ):

A cat from the hospital bit me today ): A cat, a cat named Monkey.

Story goes like this,

Monkey is a cat. Super playful, but incredibly intelligent .__. He's able to open his own cage, and let himself out, with no help, at all .__. And when he's bored "kacau-ing" all the other sick cats in the ward, he'll climb up to his cage, the highest one, and stay there. .__. super hyper too! When I take him out to play, he wouldn't wanna sink into my arms like normal cats. He'd climb up to my shoulder and walk downwards 90 degrees till he reaches the ground @@

So today, Monkey let himself out, as usual. And he started running round the cat ward, so I closed the door so he won't run outside and disturb the dogs (God knows what would happen -__-) . Then he ran to a corner, beside the cage of this super fierce cat. And by fierce I don't mean MEOW fierce, more of the HISSSSSS fierce :/ Always showing teeth and clawing the animal technicians there :/ super scary cat. Even the head vet, told the owner to come and collect the cat because it might cause even more trouble :/ too late for me ahhaha

So the super fierce cat was hissing at Monkey and Monkey was scared, but curious -__- *shakes head. So he went closer so I tried to catch Monkey to put him back into his cage. Buttttt, I didn't hold him by his neck cause I thought he wouldn't be dangerous, I hugged him and picked him up. Aaand, he bit me. ):

The upside is I was at the hospital, so they were used to giving first aid :P So.. free bandage and iodine! Hahaha the brown brown patches are iodine and if you look closer you can see where the cat sank his teeth in ): This is after the wash and iodine, before this, you could actually see the white bits under my skin. I wonder whats that :/ Cant be bones cause its not THAAT deep. So, might be tissue, could it be? Gaah I wish I knew more ): And if I did know more, could have avoided the bite -__- I wish I knew how to handle animals properly ): I mean I see the technicians do it all the time, but I never get a hands on :/ Probably my chances of handling would decrease after this incident -__-

It's so unlike me

Hello!

At the end of the previous post I promised to blog bout why I post self-portrait photos of myself on my blog. Well, if you've noticed, I've hardly ever posted any self-taken photos in my older posts, like old, OLD posts :/ Probably cause my mum sort of convinced me the internet is filled with sick guys who masturbate to photos of girls on social websites. And I'm pretty sure people still do that :/ But after realizing that my blog is like,

(Ignore the caption above)

I decided to upload more photos of myself! After all, it is MY blog :/ So yea, that's reason #1.

Reason #2!

I feel insecure. And you might get really annoyed at the fact that 75% of the time I blog about me being insecure :/ But that's how I really feel, and this is the only place I dare to express myself. If I tweet too much, people might think I'm overly LOA, Facebook is just an invitation for stalkers and I cant keep updating my friends about my problems and opinions cause everyone has their own problems, right? And I know it sounds selfish, but I always try to make myself problem-free whenever I have to listen to other people's problems. And when I'm faced with problems of my own, I'd find it hard to listen to other people's problems. On most ocassions I get very annoyed and I'd have nothing to say in the end. Hey, everyone has their own level of tolerance, mind you. And after being such a hermit in UK for so long, my tolerance level has evidently decreased.

Wait, the previous paragraph has nothing to do with me being insecure ._.

I feel insecure cause I have this constant ringing inside my head about not being skinny enough or not being pretty enough for society. Lets start with the skinny.

My definition of skinny, is the ability to show a bare tummy in public. Other people might have their own definition of skinny, but this is mine. In UK, I consider myself small, cause we barely barely get to show skin due to the dry and cold weather. Even in the summer, the most I go for is a pair of shorts and sleeveless. Unlike some of my friends who go for the bare tummy, I can't. But none the less, I feel happy in UK. Because my friends never compare fats, or call me skinny/fat. They just call me small. And I like being called small!

Back home, I feel like a whale. And although I feel very happy when people tell me I lost weight, there's this part of me that feels I'm still not good enough. Especially when skinny people take a photo/ make a random comment saying they look fat, I get very hurt. It used to be worse, I used to get all worked up, and hold it in until I go to sleep, and forgetting about it the next day. I would get very very angry at people who call themselves fat when in truth they're not. "If you're fat, then what am I??". But now, I just ignore. And how's it going for me? Very well. I actually manage to look past it and move on. I no longer feel sorry for myself, I just feel sorry for the other people out there who are bigger sized than me. How would they feel if they heard you say things like that? I know some girls who're not to the skinny side who simply detest skinny people who call themselves fat. Even though I'm not yet that extreme, I totally get where they're coming from.

About being pretty, I'm on the fence about the debate of "natural beauty is better" and "makeup enhances your features". Yes, I do agree that make-up is a great invention, and most of the times I'm very very tempted to use it. But I also agree that natural beauty is better. Call me weird, but once I tried to edit a webcam-taken photo of myself, I deleted all the pimple scars. IT FELT GOOD! I stared at myself in vain, for a very long time, and I remember thinking to myself, omg, I wish I could edit and delete my face in real life too. Then as I looked at it long enough, I uploaded the ones with pimple scars. Crazy as it sounds, I just didn't like the edited me. Sure! I'd be damn glad to get rid of my pimple scars in real life, using ample amounts of medicine and skin-repair cream. But not this way. Goes the same for make-up too. Many times I was tempted to wear concealer to college, to cover-up all the ugly scars. And probably when college reopens I would. I know it's a form of lying to myself, just like the photo editing, but I want to feel pretty ): Is that really that much to ask for?

And sometimes I wonder whether this insecurity stems from the fact that I'm single.

And by the way, before you start saying I'm a hypocrite and all, let me admit that sometimes I may be. Oh and about being fat/skinny issue? I'll let you in on a little secret. According to my BMI, I'm borderline obese.

It's about time!

HELLO MALAYSIA!!

Okay, I've been back for about 2 weeks, but I haven't blogged cause.. I was KIND OF lazyyy :/ Will update bout my week in the hospital soon. And hopefully I'll be using my phone to blog soon!! :DD So.. Till then!

And yea, I keep adding photos of myself lately :/ Will tell you why later ):